Only the Beginning

There's an old Chicago tune with lyrics "only the beginning." I'm reminded of that today. In November I was given the diagnois of "You have MS."

OK.

That was it. I was handed some pamphlets and told that I would need a spinal tap to really confirm the diagnosis. I wasn't going through with that. I think after three MRI's that was all I needed to know.

I don't have the kind where I'm in pain all the time. I have the kind that will affect my vision, memory and I'll be depressed.

OK.

How much more depressing can it get?

A lot.

I did some research into MS. I think it's fair to say they don't know much about it. But, "they," like me are learning.

And that's what I intend to do. Continue to learn.

But today reminded me that it's only the beginning. It was a fairly good day. Not like those back in January. Boy, were those day's bad. But, I had "sadness" for a while a few hours ago. I felt inadequte, that I was not worthy. Not that I'm suicidal - not yet anyway. But sometimes this is just tough to know that you're not all right.

I'm bolstered by a comment Montel Williams has made: "You have MS, it doesn't have you." He didn't say that to me personally. I read it somewhere. But it's true. I have MS, it doesn't have me.

Since the neurologist tells me that my type of MS will affect my memory and creative brain functions, I decided to keep pushing my creativity. Therefore, this blog.

Like Spaulding Gray, this could become a monologue for a play.

It's only the beginning.