Friday, June 8, 2007

Under the Influence

So the drugs seem to be working for the depression and anxiety. The one for the insomnia is good too. Perhaps too good. I need almost 12 hours of sleep. Ok, 8 at least. I don't want to wake up in the morning. The body works. I feel like pulling my ass out of bed; the brain kicks in and says it's time to get up, but the eyes don't want to open. It's not that there's a pain, but it's not pleasant. It's like the portion of my brain that controls the eyes sends the signal to open up, but the eyes send a message back of "Fuck you. Take 20 more minutes."

So the last week or so I've been testing a few things. I roll out of bed, keeping my eyes closed, and move the bathroom. Feeling my way like a blind person. My only fear is that I have to go down the hallway to the bathroom. As I pass, the stairs are there. I'm always grasping for the wall to make sure I don't fall down the stairs.

Once I'm in the shower, things start to work. I wake up. I have been a morning shower person for a number of years. But now it seems I need the shower to actually activate myself in the morning.

Yesterday, I decided not to take the insomnia medicine. I went out with friends and had two tall Bud Light beers. I figured it probably wasn't good to mix sleeping medicine with alcohol. Although, in the "old days" i wouldn't have any problem with two beers - or more.

I came home, thinking the beers (which I chase down with about 10 glasses of iced tea) would be enough to make me sleep. Well, WRONG. My brain just didn't shut off. It pissed me off. So I tossed and turned all night, until I decided to get my ass out of bed at 10 a.m. Since I took the day off, it didn't matter.

I got in the shower and now I'm fine to go for the day. Strange. I'll keep you posted.

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